In comparison we lose sight, life is perfect as it is; as it is, what it is.
A wise man in Victoria, once told me that life isn’t bad, or good – it’s always been good. In comparison we lose sight, life is perfect as it is; as it is, what it is.
Been thinking about doing a quick update on everything that touches upon this ‘life’ subject, for a few weeks now, but I haven’t been able to sit myself down and put it down on paper. My thoughts run freely through the day; and completely stop when I’m on the ice. Ideas come and go, just as I’m about to fall asleep – and then I wake up and all I think about is reminding myself to eat. (And have an amazing Cortado) Yup, I sometimes rhyme.
It’s hard to write when you’re not in the moment. I’ll probably take an entire week to write this one; not feeling the vibe I’m currently in, and definitely can’t find the right playlist to motivate me to put my feelings into words.
My last blog post was in July of 2019 ( READ HERE) – Holy hell, does time ever fly. The year has been great. I moved back at the beginning of the summer, and little did I know that getting all my *shit* together before I returned, would actually set me up for the best winter I have had in a very long time. As you know, I took the year off and completely immersed myself in another world – a world of bikes, coffees, new people and freedom. Didn’t know I needed that until I stepped foot into the Oval in the summer of 2019, and realized I was only back here to do a job – Skate my ass off in the 2022 Winter Olympics, in Beijing. Then I would reevaluate my whereabouts, and what I continue to do with my athletic and personal life and career. I did not miss it. At. All. I had an incredibly hard time trying to find a routine in what I did, once I moved back. I became so attached to the person I became, when I was in Vancouver, after shedding layers of mental exhaustion, hate for the athletic environment I had in Calgary, and just not having that routine I was in, for the past….13 years? It was freeing. It was nice..and it was addictive. Yes, I drove to Calgary with tears in my eyes, to the point where I had to pull my car off to the side of the road, because I was bawling so hard, already knowing I was going to miss my life on the coast. But, there lay a new beginning, with a new action plan, and I guess different motivation while being the same Alex.
It is now January 84th, or so it seems – this winter has been exceptionally disgusting, especially since I can’t help but compare to last year when I was riding my road bike in shorts, 6 days a week. The one thing I am most proud and excited about, is that I stuck to what I came here to do. As athletes, we are so well trained, to take orders, be told what to do, set our minds on goals and then go attack them. I wasn’t sure if I was capable of committing to that extent, again. But I did. The hardest part is always going to the mental aspect of anything you decide to do – whether it’s physical, or literally anything else in your life. You can apply it to relationships, you can apply it to work, family – anything. If you have the mental part down, the rest comes easy. In the athletic perspective, which I can safely say I master, it was interesting to see how the internal struggle and battles, resulted in getting stronger than I have been, probably ever in my entire career. Yeah, yeah, I’m not fast right now on the ice – as a matter of fact I did just miss next week’s Calgary World Cup standard by .11 something – and that would have crushed me in the past. The mental maturity in knowing that long term goals are where it’s at – is what keeps me going even harder, on the days when I’m alone training in an empty building, watching instagram stories of people competing in the world. I’ll be there. I’ll be strong. And I’ll be more than ready. It’s been an unreal winter of training – we have a program that works incredibly well for what I need to do. I am stoked to finish this season strong and see what else I am capable of achieving, before I hop on the bike for the spring.
Other than skating, life is consistent. It’s good. I can’t say I have ever felt this at peace, ever since I can remember actually putting the effort into my skating career. It’s funny to see how things unfold, or how you function as a human, when you’re happy, or when you feel loved. The biggest thing before, was that I felt really alone and I struggled with finding affection in connections that I knew were just surface interactions. I was holding onto anything that gave me joy, because I couldn’t get myself there – that is the biggest mistake you can make as a human.
Maybe it’s all a part of ‘growing up’, which is something I definitely refuse to do. I’ve matured incredibly, over the past 2 years, although that all depends on who you ask, right Gregg? I know what I want, I am confident in my abilities to get myself to where I want to go, I have an amazing support team, amazing family and few very close friends, I have the world’s best boyfriend, and I’m surrounded by random people’s dogs, and unreal coffee in the mornings. What more can I ask for? I can finally say that I know who I am….and nothing can mess around with someone that knows what they stand for. But I will continue to work on myself, and the little things. Always improving. Always aware. Oh, and I guess I have some solid reasons to now stay in Calgary after 2022 😉
I guess I did just write this entire blog in one sitting, eh?
Thanks for reading.